Just when I thought I finally had ALL my energy back and was feeling myself again.....bam...another set back.....are you serious right now.....I can't stand it....please...what the H is going on.....we are coming to the end of the year.....you said this would be way over by years end.......shit fire.....dig deep....AGAIN.....

As Dave is driving me back to "chemo" for my second round this year I look down at my veins......after just one dose I can already see the effect in my veins.....it saddens me to see what destruction my body is going through....even though on the "flip side" it's making me healthy and whole again.....being so self-conscious all my life about my health...this has taken a complete toll on me and has totally mentally drained me....I'm exhausted more than I care to admit most days.....brings tears to my eyes.....but I plug on.....dig deep....pray.....hold my head up.....take another step.....and think it could be a whole lot worse.....pull yourself together....stop feeling sorry for yourself.....deep breath.....and move forward.....you got this....

I often wonder what people "really know" about what goes on day to day with me, do they really care???  Do they just listen and set it aside not wanting to deal with it...or maybe set it aside to ignore there own issues and not open there eyes to there health?  My world......when I said "often" in the first sentence.....I meant.....EVERY TIME I empty that damn shit bag which is 8-10 times a day and at least once in the night.....so often is ALOT.....what would other people do if they had to do this....how would they handle this....it's been since June.....it will be almost a full year by the time this ends.....this has not been easy....seriously what the hell do people think.....well...that brings me to the next "segment" of my blog....the graphics of it all.....put on your seat belt and be prepared to step into my "real world" for a moment or two, or for how ever long  you can stomach it....because this IS NOT pretty!

https://youtu.be/l9PYMfqNGm0