As most of you know I haven't felt well since May of last year and had declined shorty after August which landed me in the emergency room in October with a "mis-diagnosed" illness and a $10,000.00 medical bill because of no insurance.....I was sent home and told to take the meds and follow
up with a gastroenterologist. I went home...took my meds and didn't really improve....because of "no insurance" I did not follow up with a gastroenterologist and I waited until January for open enrollment with "Obamacare" to get health insurance......and my journey began....
I found an AWESOME primary care physician who immediately referred me to a gastroenterologist, who is just as AWESOME (I felt blessed) I was scheduled for a colonoscopy and an endoscopy right away.....while prepping for the colonoscopy .....with no surprise to me....in knowing my body.....I had a MAJOR reaction to the "moviprep" (colon cleansing solution) and I landed in the emergency room two nights in a row..... I guess it's really not suppose to harden in your stomach like cement which can cause EXTREME discomfort....after that fiasco I had to give my body a rest and wait five more days to try a different kind of "cleansing solution"....as you can imagine.... I was scared out of my mind as to what the reaction would be with the second one....after being on a liquid diet for almost two weeks and losing 14 more pounds..... this 102 pound lady couldn't take much more.......
Needless to say.....
after finishing the second round of prep I was off to the doctor's office for the colonoscopy/endoscopy and.....THANK GOD.......the procedure itself was the easy part....I remember the nurses trying to wake me up and saying I had been in recovery longer than normal.....again...typical for me....I was then faced with three nurses and my Doctor......holding my hand......I thought....WOW...what attention......much to my dismay I soon was to find out....the results where very apparent to what my "issue" had been for almost the past year......now....as a rule they do not discuss results until the biopsy test come back from the lab..... but my doctor said....I'm 99% sure you have .....Yup.....my worst fear......the big "C"
After bringing Dave into the room and sharing the results...they gave us a minute to "compose" ourselves....all's I wanted to do was go HOME....NOW....
The drive home was silent......I kept running all sorts of things through my head......"you can do this".....you sold everything you had and moved across country alone....."you can do this" .....you had all your teeth ripped out without being put under for full dentures....."you can do this" .....you were homeless a time or two and someone took you in...."you can do this" you lost a child......"you can do this"......"you can dig deep again".....OMG how am I going to tell the kids.....why is the happening......haven't I had enough "bumps in the road"..... again.....I find myself saying......"please someone wake me up"......and again....no one did.....I was slapped with a tough reality that I had rectal cancer and I wanted to break everything I could possibly get my hands on.....my first thought's were of "Sam".....where are you Sam?.....did you hear the news?......my mind was totally out of control..... I had a brief thought in my head..... a few weeks back....."what if I am going to be someone's Angel"......NO ......my time is not done here.....
damn it I should of ate more garlic like Heather told me to...."mom it fights off cancer"......."mom did you drink your turmeric tea".....shit....
When we got home I made Dave a list of the family/framily that needed to be contacted on the events of the day...... I couldn't emphasize enough to Dave that this IS NOT to be made pubic.......I needed to wrap my head around this.....put it into perspective and dig real deep.....I told myself making "life decisions" for yourself will be ALOT easier than it was making "life decisions" for Sam and having to remove him off "life support" ...."you can do this"....it's only "you"......yourself..... you have to make decisions for this time....YOU GOT THIS
After resting that night I started my day on Thursday....I got dressed and felt pretty good physically.....Dave drove me to my meeting for work and from there we went to the oncologist..... they had called less than 24 hours after the colonoscopy/endoscopy....and wanted me to come in the office for a consultation.....I was so nervous I couldn't even stand myself.....it must not be good if they are having me come in that sudden.....shit fire.....I'm thinking to myself.....I needed to chat with Dave to make sure he knew where I stand in being challenged with such a situation....
Filling out a TON of paperwork at the oncologist was a real treat....I instantly felt like I was taking an exam that was all about "me"....good lord....once we got into the exam room it wasn't long before my doctor came in and he was pretty straight forward
(which I like)
"We don't have the biopsy results yet...but Dr. Bal (the gastroenterologist) has already shared with you that you have cancer" ...and the reason I called you in so soon is that I want to get this ball rolling ASAP....I was pretty impressed with the way he handled "me" and his view.....no fear.....this is what it is...this is what we are going to do.....and you are going to be fine....no grim details....we have two different options...depending on if it's "stationary" or if it's spread somewhere else in the body....the worst case he said.....no matter the stage or if it's spread......your hair will probably fall out or thin, can you handle that? OMG.....I said "YES...I have been dying to cut my hair off and go blonde" and what fun it will be to make "blinged out" head wraps......
he chuckled....and continued on that he was ordering the referrals for the CT scan and the port surgery for the chemotherapy and would schedule my consultation for the endocrinologist for the treatment plan....or as I like to say "a plan of attack".
Dave and I went home....and I did speak with a few people briefly that evening.......and after conversing with others I keep hearing certain things in my head that people had said to me....
"Life hands you lemons and you make lemonade"
"Your one tough broad"
"Enough bumps in the road"
"WTF"
I found it interesting that at times your mind can get away from you......but not for this broad....
The week-end seem to drag.....and it was a longgg week-end with President's day that Monday.....we were all beside ourselves within the family with so many unanswered questions.....
Tuesday came and went and there was some challenges with get results and referrals....but after a few phone calls with a firm tone...i was amazed that I had appointments set for the CT scan and port surgery by the end of Tuesday work day....Wednesday I went to work carrying my "barium" for the CT scan.....such a lovely cocktail.....adding the chocolate protein mix was Heather's suggestion and a good one at that.....bottoms up.....okay....CT scan done.....
Thursday bright and early we headed to the hospital for "port surgery"......I was less than super excited about this venture.....all went very well and was home and in my own bed by 12:00...no reaction to meds...no issue....THANK GOD....okay...port surgery done.....
Endocrinologist appointment late afternoon Friday.....seems this day dragged even longer than the week-end before.....this is my fate.....the big reveal...all the results....the treatment plan.....my life....uggghhh can 3:30 come a bit quicker please.....besides this damn dressing for the port is REALLY starting to itch and annoy the piss out of me.....maybe they can redress it....
My endocrinologist's name is Jessica....all's I kept thinking is you look just like Heather's best friend Katie.....with the exception of this women being pregnant....LOL
Jessica as well as all my other "NEW" doctor friends was very straight forward and quick to the point....you cancer is stationary.....you are clean everywhere else in your body.....you will need to have the chemo/radiation treatment for four to six weeks...with a month off...then followed by surgery for repair....you are extremely healthy...your blood work is awesome....it's the best case scenario given the situation.....OMG is she kidding right now....this is GREAT news......my next question......"so my hair is going to fall out with all this therapy...correct?"......She looked at me totally confused...."NO"...not with this treatment.....it "might" thin a bit but that's it.....OMG......I told her she had given me the best gift ever.......thank you...thank you...thank you.....
I had prepared myself....choose a hair cut.....was going to donate my hair to locks of love....even had told "B" that the meds I would be on will make my hair fall out so we were going to cut it...
I even made a appointment for tomorrow to have it done.....seriously.....OMG....I couldn't believe it....
Okay.....so back to the treatment......I will have a pouch attached to my port on Monday morning that will run chemo meds 24 hours a day until Friday morning at which time they will remove it from my port for the week-end...to return on Monday to re-attach....Radiation will be two times a week at the location of the tumor......this goes on for four to six weeks.....then after one month of rest...surgery.....for repair.......that's pretty much it in a nut shell.....
So for the past two weeks....all I have heard in my head is......
OKAY.....
I CAN do this.....I WILL do this.....I WILL win......
It was almost immediate that I dug so deep and found ALL my strength and positive energy inside myself and totally embraced a strong frame of mind with everything I could drum up.....
Now....(I was telling myself)
to ask my family and friends for the same....
Positive Energy
Prayers
and
Support
(PEPS)
I will continue my life as normal as possible and doing CHEMO/RADIATION will be like brushing my teeth to me.....It will be terminated from my body....these few weeks will come and go....
Time to "gitty up" and be done with it.......
I have decided to use my own terminology with this fight.....
I do not like the word "rectal" so I will refer to it as "bunghole"
The tumor is "Vester"
and Vester will be terminated.....
So....if you happen to see me during this challenging time.....please give me a hug (don't squeeze tight...I'm literally a bag of bones....lol) and say...."it's good to see you"...."smile"....and keep me in your prayers.....
Cheers......
big smile....
.......I GOT THIS....no worries!!!!
