Frustrated beyond belief....I have chosen to keep myself out of the "limelight" so to speak as my venomous demeanor has NOT be something anyone would desire.....seems it will never come to an end these days...and I'm just plain pissed off at the situation all the way around....

Last news on FB was the outpatient surgery for the "fistula" which turned out not to be that at all, nor was it connected to my stomach which is a GREAT thing....it was what they call a "sinus" cavity and need to be repaired with a minimum of an 8 week heal...could be 16 weeks......are you kidding me right now.......needless to say when I woke up from surgery and heard this news I came unglued.....this was not a pretty site still being drugged up from the anesthesia....and now they want to talk about the "results" of the "resection" and more chemo......back to the oncologist on Monday......awesome....NOT.....yup....more chemo....more side effects...probably hair loss....sensitivity ( have to drink only room temperture)  to all cold AND......I have to get my blood back at good readings before they do the "reversal"......seriously......what the FUCK!  This is not the story I was told when we started all this "therapy" or as they say "treatment"......2 days on the pump....third day pump comes off....10-14 days break and back on....this goes on for 6 to 8 times....then "healing" then "release" from the oncologist.....then testing for the reversal......then the reversal.....we are looking at early to late spring as far as we can figure....but.....you just never know what might change between now and then.....I won't even get into the deductible and out of pocket that starts over in January...and I was told this would be complete by the end of the year....guess that didn't work out so well.....not to mention my "job"......I am not happy.....FYI this chemo is tougher and I DO NOT want any set backs....so I'm staying pretty much at home so I do not catch anything that lands me in the hospital....slight fever...in the hospital you go......it push's your chemo back  ....I'm hanging on by a thread literally at this point with my patience......I realize on the "flip side" that my outcoming is awesome and I'm cancer free.....my oncologist stated.....we found your cure and he is excited to say when this is all done it will be totally behind me......most people don't walk away like I did and with no issues during the whole treatment......including the Ilostomy bag....it's a miracle.......now if I could just trot on down to walmart and pick up some patience everything would just fall into place a bit easier......I'm super tired of feeling like life is passing me by and I'm not participating at all.....those who know me...know I do not sit well......and this sitting business and being at home has taken it's toll......so that's the skinny......